I sit here and stare at the wall clock hanging on this aged wall of where i reside. It is with wonder I absorb the detail the time is telling. It is almost 3:30am and I am still awake. in fact, for approximately 1 month now my affair with insomnia is becoming intense. Up until now i was of the thought that it was cool till whatever it was that hit me today, i wouldn't have given much it attention. It is probably that moment of epiphany some search for all their lives. I'm yet to scream Eureka!!!
Maybe i'm still too young to adopt this philosophy, this religion of probability or this level of intensity. But the recent feelings of confusion is not one that goes away with the night as I welcome the morning, it haunts my waking hours if I get to sleep at all. if I don't, it looks at me with arms akimbo as if posing the question 'will you acknowledge me now?' .
The problem is I do not know exactly what I should be acknowledging, nor why I should. I just feel, No I think, that there is something i'm yet to align with. i'll trust my head than i'll trust my heart, emotions are easily induced, wise king Solomon told me this. My thoughts are in a blender, the exact contents are unknown to me the thinker so i cant say for sure what the mixture will be. in a sentence, confusion is confusing me.
If there is ever anything as the right thing happening at the wrong time, or doing the right thing at the wrong time, or having the right thing at the wrong time or being the right person at the wrong time and vice versa i'd like to borrow the idea. it saves a lot of questioning and answer searching parade that will further confuse the confusion i'm in.
They say the only constant thing is change, and as we grow, not necessarily in age, our wants, needs, likes and dislikes change too, its a constant 'upgrading' or 'downgrading' its free traffic, you choose your highways. So sometimes, what you wanted before might not be what you want now. Other times, its just that you don't want anything because you really don't know what you want. Even if what you have is good and someone or some people are telling you how lucky you're, should that be all? Now i have a poser for you, if what I have now is what I do not want and what I want is what I don't have - Am I heartless if i pursue what i want? or am I stupid if i take my time to find out what i want? really want?
You should pursue what you NEED. Often, we confuse our 'wants' as 'needs'. Are you sure, absolutely sure, of that/those thing(s) you want?
ReplyDeletePerhaps a change of environment might help you see things in another perspective.
You are not heartless if you pursue what you want. Just make sure you need it, or REALLY want it.
You are not stupid if you take out time to find out. Life is a never-ending journey of learning and experience. Go, find out what you want and need.
Cheers. Now take a valium and sleep long and well.
ZUMA!