TRIANGLE: Chidi

‘I have to do this’ Chidi said to himself as he was walking down the hallway of the hospital, it wasn’t supposed to turn out this way. It was a calculated risk yes, but his calculations didn’t go this far. Counting his steps, he got to the door and took a deep long breath. As he entered, he felt a band pull across him as his chest tightened. It took a force bigger than him to help him keep his balance. He didn’t know what to do; he needed to break the ice so he bent down to peck Nneka, He could have sworn he saw Grace move. He moved on to where Grace was lying, mustering all the courage he needs that he wished he had. Slowly he sat beside her and stared blankly for a while, gathering his thoughts confused as to where to start from. He’s always been a good talker, but at this moment words failed him, his whole self failed him. ‘Grace……honey’ He hesitated to go further ‘I wouldn’t try to justify this sin I’ve committed against you’. His voice cracked, it was harder than he thought. He knew for sure when a tear rolled down his cheek. Grace blinked, surely that must be a sign she was listening……He didn’t know that was the last she heard. Grace had slept in peace.

’you weren’t supposed to find out this way, we were going to tell you when you came back’ he struggled to contain the emotions, he wouldn’t cry.’ I loved you Grace, I still do’. But we drifted apart these few years; you were always travelling, always busy. You didn’t even notice that I redecorated the bedroom a month ago; till you had to find a file you kept. He could remember the heartbreak this caused him, especially when he asked her if she liked it and she said she was indifferent. ‘It wasn’t me anymore that made you happy; it was work, your work. I became secondary in your life. I missed those times you used to look at me like I meant the world ’I wanted those times back……. I…..I wanted them so bad’ ‘I wish I was Man enough to tell you I needed you’ he tried, maybe he didn’t do it right. Putting his hands on his face to cover the shame he felt ‘my God Gee I even thought there was someone else’.

‘Not to say it’s your fault and not to justify my wrong but you pushed me away Gee, I’m only human. Nneka and I were lonely, we needed you but you stopped needing us’. Turning to look at Nneka, he was shocked by the look on her face. She looked stoned; shaking like a leaf in the July storm…he didn’t want to believe what her eyes were telling. Turning reluctantly to look back at Grace, air was trapped in his lungs. All he could say was ‘no’ whimpering like an injured puppy. No!!! Gee no!!!!!! Oh GOD please no! Doctor!!!!!!’

Grace was white as white, she just lay there motionless. Grace had slept……finally. Chidi was oblivious to the happenings around him, the mad rush of the doctors and nurses and the words they said, he knew they were screaming but he wouldn’t hear, he could only feel the weight of the world and their sins upon his shoulders, and he wanted to run away, go back in time and undo everything perhaps remove himself from their lives. Grace and Nneka would have been perfectly fine without him, He was bad luck already, he loved them both so much……..Nneka was over him now, she was saying something he could not hear, screaming down at him, why? He wondered, perhaps the pain in his chest made it impossible to hear, and it was blocking off light too, night was coming too fast. Now, he saw Angels in white or were they the doctors?  He tried to speak but he could not…..

Chidi was having a heart attack…….